Sometimes we learn that something we actually like about ourselves is a problem.

We may like that we take care of our friends, work hard, or are pretty damn smart.

In reality, these things may be defense mechanisms.
They could come from watching how adults coped during childhood,
trying to find safety in the midst of past traumas,
or recognizing a natural talent that effectively distracts or soothes us.

There is another crucially important factor that can contribute to the development and maintenance of such defenses:

They are aligned with our values.

If we value relationships, it will feel good to support people, emotionally and practically.

If we value success, stability, or security, we may focus on hard work.

If we value knowledge, logic, and creative thinking, we may be reassured by demonstrating our intelligence to ourselves and others.

These are valuable things. They serve us in observable ways every day.
Of course, they will contribute enormously to our behavior and our world view.
Because these defenses align with both our skills and values,
they will inevitably be part of our greatest successes.
Similarly, they will be part of what hinders us from the growth we seek.

Defense mechanisms get a bad wrap.
The truth is, if we look at a long list of defense mechanisms, almost every person could say they have used almost every defensive mechanism at some point. This variety is good.

Problems tend to arise when people use very few defense mechanisms almost all of the time. When this happens, our thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors grow rigid, making it hard to adapt to the ever-changing demands of life and relationships.

So, what do we do when our defense mechanisms are things that we value, are good at, and enjoy doing? It certainly wouldn't feel good to stop doing these things altogether.
It wouldn't be good for our mental health either.
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The good news is, we don't need to eliminate these behaviors or even scale them back substantially.
In the beginning, we can start by scaling them back by about 5%.
Eventually, we might scale them back 10-20%, while developing and diversifying rewarding strategies for coping with big stress and hard emotions.

We should love the things we value about ourselves.
And, we can benefit from realizing we have too much of a good thing.